Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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