Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
