No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
