the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
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