i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
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