I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
