just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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