do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
