i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
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