What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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