did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
