I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
