All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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