Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
