I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
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