it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
