Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Enjoy the penises
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
