So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Randomize
