I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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