so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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