i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Randomize
