you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
