i barfeds in our rink
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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