I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
