Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Little spoons don't ask big questions
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Randomize
