I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
