I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
