remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
