You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Randomize
