he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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