I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
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