he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Also, beer. Big fan.
Someone came in the potted fern
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
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