apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
