I wish I could punch you in the face.
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
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