I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Randomize
