Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
