Pappa wants mamma naked
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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