its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
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