My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
