There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
bring money and cleavage
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
