Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
this just has baby written all over it
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
