It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize