you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
