dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Randomize
