normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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