I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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