I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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