I will die if light touches me.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
