Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
