I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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