I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
