i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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