the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
